“Still waters run deep”
I can’t help but feelin’ like you got this wrong idea of me.
I write like I write like I write, ‘n it don’t hold much stock with reality.
If I had my way,
I’d be all oak ‘n leather ‘n creaky history,
Rough edges only rounded by weather ‘n time;
Pure ‘n simple.
I ain’t simple.
I like to play like I ain’t got regrets,
but I got regrets.
I ain’t simple;
I got regrets.
Junior prom–
We cut out before I saw the woman I loved in her dress,
’cause my date ‘n I were horny again,
–earlier in the night she’d yelled at me for not pullin’ out fast enough,
–for maybe comin’ inside just a little,
–so this time we went for oral.
–her frilly dress pushed up past…
–my rented tux undone
‘n it hurt to see her dancin’ with someone else.
The girl I dated,
she had sex with what she got her hands on,
But she didn’t ever have sex with me when she was unshaved,
Cried–bawled–hit my chest ‘n stopped sayin’ real words,
When I asked,
‘n then she did,
made me promise to close my eyes,
wouldn’t take off her underwear to do it.
She was terrified she wasn’t good enough for me.
She wasn’t.
I cut out like she ‘n I did on prom,
Just as soon as I found an excuse.
Last I heard, she has nightmares about me.
‘n I go on ‘n on ’bout this one woman,
–would’a married her, so it goes–so I say, over ‘n over.
She had a briar tongue ‘n a way of kissin’ away her own sting.
Lived a long couple of decades, in the span of a couple years,
‘n life kept on handin’ her shit.
–course, that don’t mean she wasn’t makin’ mountains of molehills,
–don’t mean she wasn’t lookin’ for scapegoats,
–refusin’ to accept blame when she should.
–but molehills still have their own sort of bite.
She ‘n I made love like we weren’t ever gonna see each other again,
We wrote endless books about each other,
–I could see in her eyes she didn’t think she was as good as me,
–but that didn’t stop her from writin’ line after line that cracked my heart.
She ‘n I named our children, started tryin’ for ’em,
She ‘n I lost them.
–I blamed myself ‘n pulled away
She was always afraid I would leave her,
–just like she saw everyone do.
–she didn’t ever understand the why,
–’n I don’t know if I do either.
I got drunk on stupidity ‘n told her I never loved her,
She cried ‘n believed me.
She’s gettin’ married to the guy that helped her get over me.
After she started datin’ him,
She came over to my house,
‘n I fucked her in ways he didn’t understand.
I ain’t ever felt guilty about it.
Since then I ain’t done much but long after things that I been taught I shouldn’t.
Sometimes I get my way,
–sometimes I’m fuckin’ his girlfriend in the ass nights,
–’n helpin’ him study philosophy days.
‘n I don’t regret it.
I dunno if I should, but it ain’t that simple.
What I know is for all my good intent scented excuses,
I’ve probably done more damage than good searchin’ for my own happiness,
Above–above–above all else.
I ain’t simple;
I got regrets:
I am selfish;
I ain’t better than anyone.
I can’t help thinkin’ you got this wrong idea of me.
I ain’t a role model,
I ain’t somethin’ to be desired.
I ain’t oak ‘n leathers ‘n creaky history.
I’m just a man.
Ain’t no reason to look up to that.
