I ask a table, “Can I get you any coffee?”
No one looks at me,
lights are going down.
One man says, “no thanks.”
I start walking away,
only to hear them start to yell,
“Hey! We want some coffee!”
“YEAH! You’ve got to ask, you can’t just sashay past!”
*Sassmaster 2,000 armed*
lights are going down.
vigorous pointing at empty coffee cups.
*fucks holding steadily at zilch.*
//So I get up on stage.
Spots go up,
ballyhoo over me,
the hazer starts a-goin’,
just so you can see those hard edge beams.
Ladies and gentlemen and anyone and everyone who doesn’t know where they fall in that range, there was car parked in Bd’s parking spot this morning, and it put him in a bad mood. Bd! Bd are you in the audience!
Spots swing in quick and dramatic fashion to the head waiter,
He waves vaguely.
Took his spot, I might add, in a parking lot our theater does not own. Took his spot which isn’t really his spot because it actually belongs to the cute blonde Adonis that’s doing our local fluff stories now. Oh, woe is, woe is, woe is Bd.
The decaffeinated table is still jostling for attention two rows back,
but I’m in the swing of it now,
the words flow smooth like store-cold milk.
Bd, I just wanted to say I’m sorry I took you spot, in front of everyone. I didn’t realize how important it was to you. As I arrived to work, I was wondering if I had worked enough hours to pay rent this month, if I should worry about the headache from hell that blitzed me last night, so it didn’t occur to me that I should leave that spot for you. You had to walk five extra feet, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry.
Bd is crying, overwhelmed by this sudden outpouring of generosity. The spots swivel back.
And you know what. I’d like to thank the folks at R12, everyone give them a hand. I’ve been actively ignoring them so hard that I actually went completely around and was giving them good service, but they saw through that shit immediately and demanded my full attention, and if we could get the spotlights on them?
R12 is asleep, having missed their regular dose of liquid energy.
A shame, ladies and gentlemen and anyone and everyone who doesn’t know where they fall in that range, a shame. In my excitement for their obviously wise actions, I’ve still forgotten to give them the coffee they so vehemently requested. Just so you know, when they wake up, it will be to an empty theater all their own. We’ve spoken about it, decided. These folks love the theatre so much we’re going to leave it to them.
R12 begins to stir.
Quickly, quietly. Everyone leave now. The show can wait, you know this is more important. You know it is.\
“You’re absolutely right. I forgot the most important part of my job. I’m sorry.”
