Relationships scare the shit out of me.
Now you gotta realize,
I’m talking from a perspective of perpetual failure.
(Mind, not “oh, it’s not you, it’s me” levels of failure)
There was that time I worked the guts to ask you out,
Only to find out that night,
Smug look on my face,
That we were moving out of town in a month.
There was the girl you contracted to “bully” me.
(side note: choose more creative bullies in the future,
unless you’re going the beat-the-fucking-shit-out-of-me route)
Not to mention the endless times you tried to seduce me,
And how you always were around whenever she and I had trouble.
There was that time we lost a child together,
Refused to speak about it,
Drifted apart,
Me to that woman who was happy to lie with me the once,
But too guilty to live with the shit she and I whipped up,
You to your “friend” who was man enough to give you what I couldn’t:
Someone to listen to your pain.
There was when you and I started dating,
Because we were fucking,
And your mom loved me,
And I was lonely,
And we were fucking,
But I broke it off because I went to a party,
Full of people I cared more about than you.
Or how about you.
I genuinely liked you.
I don’t think you were nearly old enough to deal with my shit,
But I liked you.
But you were a virgin and needed me to love you,
So I “did”,
Felt guilty for it every second,
And when the time came—
—Fuck me can memories be vivid,
And you never get that smell of blood out.
You left me virginal, alone,
And scarred as shit,
Because I was lonely and horny.
That’s just counting shit that became “official”.
And there’s more we don’t talk about,
Much as I make you uncomfortable when I start.
And I know, I know that ain’t as bad as it gets.
Relationships scare the shit out of me.
