Drunk, I wake upon her couch,
Her roommate and him bustle in,
A frozen pizza and beer in hand,
She beautiful and sensuous,
He ugly, scarred, and coarse.
He apologizes for the intrusion on my dreams,
And again I drift.
Tipsy, I wake upon her couch,
He is pouring his fifth double shot Jim Beam and Coke,
“If you buy me a Jack and Coke, at the bar, I will love you forever,
At home, though, I’m cheap and drink me some Jim Beam.”
I sit up and take in what he has to say.
“You guys looked like you had a good time last night.”
I nod.
“You were at the Bayou?”
I nod again.
“I fucking love that bar, all of the regulars love me,
I mean it’s small, but it’s open.”
I nod.
“I almost got into a fight there once, a regular,
An older Hispanic guy, a real fuckin’ cholo, you know,
In his forties with the slicked back hair,
Everyone loves him, well anyways,
There was this guy, I hadn’t seen him before,
He was drunk outside waiting for his ride or something,
And he was hitting on every girl that came through that door,
Fat, little, curvy, black, white, every one, and they all turned him down.
I guess he hit on the wrong girl because this regular just fucking decked him,
Was fixin’ to bust his ass, but the security grabbed the regulars arms,
And dragged him back into the bar.
I fuckin’ love the Bayou.”
He is pouring his sixth double shot Jim Beam and Coke,
“You here with—“
I nod.
“Are you and her …
Or are you guys just hanging out?
Cause I would do anything for her, she’s fantastic.”
“No, I’m just a friend. Anyways, I think she’s back with her boyfriend back in California.”
“Well, I don’t know ‘bout that, I know she’s supposed to head back to Cali in January,
But I dunno if she’s going to go.
I really don’t want her to go.”
And I think of all the things she sacrifices to be here,
Among these beautiful mockeries of true mountains,
These cheerful jeerings of cities,
Out here in the boondock Ozarks,
The friends, love, future, and contention,
Traded for a mother that doesn’t love what she is,
For a mother who is sick, and must surely be a burden to watch,
For what she knows is a dead end job as a fast food manager,
For a two bedroom duplex with two cats,
When she creates worlds in her mind,
When she writes, when she makes, when she is,
When she is far off in Cali’.
He is pouring his seventh Jim Beam and Coke.
“I’m not from around here either, I come from Louisiana,
It’s a lot different here, a lot easier to get by.
I mean, I had been to every school in my Parish, and got kicked from every one,
And it’s different with the Niggers down there.
I’m a little racist, I’m sorry, but it’s just the way I am.
Down there, my granddad had this Black neighbor,
And every morning he would say, “Morning White Man.”
And my granddad would say, “Morning Nigger”
Anyways, there is a difference between Niggers and the Black man.
Niggers know their black, they are at the top.
You know, it’s like the Black man, Niggers, and then the White man.
That’s the way it’s set out, and you should just be what you are.
I mean, I’ve had lots of Black friends,
I just wouldn’t let them into my mother’s house,
You know how it is, they’re walkin’ through
‘Oh that’s a nice candle!’ and it goes into the pocket,
They’re just like that.”
I am silent.
Lines and lines of Huck Finn rattle through my mind.
I don’t think that I like him.
“You’re cool, I like you.”
He is pouring his eighth Jim Beam and Coke.
“It’s been a hard life,
I’ve been on my own since thirteen,
I’ve been dealing since then,
My dad was a meth-head since I was little,
I was a meth-head for a while—clean eleven months—thank god.
Cleaned up after I got out of prison, spent two years and nine months there,
Quite smoking cigarettes then—didn’t really have a choice.
I’ve liked my girl in there, her roommate, for a long time now, and she’s liked me.
But I feel weird, she’s always been a good girl, only been with one guy,
Not like me, I’m a dealer, I’ve been with girls who would make your head spin,
I’ve been with girls who only ever want to get high,
I’ve been with big girls like scooters,
Fun to ride until your friends see,
I’ve been with maybe forty or sixty women—a lot of women,
And she’s only ever been with the one,
So I wanna wait.
Sex is just a physical thing to me.”
He is pouring his ninth Jim Beam and Coke.
“I mean, I can go home and just … “
He jiggles his arm up and down with the fingers in a loose fist.
“And I’m fine, I don’t need it.
If we’re going to be together, if this is gonna happen,
I want it to mean something, you know?”
I nod.
“I mean, I care about her,
But she wants all these things from me,
She wants me to quit smoking,
And I was just fucking in there and she wants me to quit dealing,
That’s the first I’ve ever heard of it,
I mean I’ve always wanted to.”
He downs the last of his drink.
He is pouring his tenth Jim Beam and Coke,
He pours the last of the bourbon into the tumbler,
Pulls another bottle from a box, opens it,
And pours another shot of bourbon into the glass.
“I’ve got three thousand dollars’ worth of Marijuana in my house right now,
And that’s the last I’m buying. I’m gonna sell it all off,
Pay for a car, I don’t have one now cause I live like two seconds from work,
I just walk most days, but it would be nice to have one.
But I’m going to buy that car, and that’s it.
I’m gonna go to technical school and be a plumber.
My dad was a plumber when I was little—worked three days a week,
Made twenty dollars an hour, and had all of his bills taken care of,
I mean, it’s not my dream job or anything, but I think it would be nice,
Nice to not have to worry like that,
But she wants me to give it up now.
That and cigarettes. I’ve smoked like six cigarettes in the last week,
You smoke, you know how good that is,
And she looks at me like it’s a terrible thing.
I’m fucking proud of myself, I’m working so damn hard,
And she had better back off or I’m going to fucking go,
Just go right out the damn door.
I’m a dealer, I could have any woman I want,
So she had better learn to let off me once and a while,
I mean I spoil her rotten.
For thanksgiving I bought her like two hundred dollars’ worth of food,
And we didn’t even eat it.
I’ve bought her like a hundred dollars’ worth of cleaning supplies, and the place looks like this,
I’m a bachelor, and I think this is bad.
I feel so bad for her because she’s always saying that she is poor,
But I don’t want her to depend on me, you know?
I mean, I’ve got my place, and she’s got her’s,
And she’s got the bills paid for,”
He gently kicks a router on the floor.
“She’s got internet paid for,
And as soon as it’s working, I’m gonna hook up their cable.
I used to be a cable repairman—all they need is this one little metal piece,
but if the AT&T people come and see it,
Then they’ll shut the cable off for good,
But if I wait, then they can just have it,
And if someone asks, ‘Oh, I dunno, I just hooked my TV up to the wall,
The last person must have done something’
The only things I give her are things she wants—so she’s still independent,
And even then I feel bad … so you know what I do sometimes?”
He holds a finger up to his lips while he pulls out his wallet,
He grabs a twenty and pushes it under some clothes on the table,
“Now, she’ll be looking through her clothes and be like, oh twenty dollars,
And she’ll go buy some soda or some fuckin’ cookies or something.”
He is pouring his eleventh Jim Beam and Coke.
“I gotta go back in there, she’s waiting on me.
You’re a cool guy, I like you.
Cheers!”
He knocks back his eleventh Jim Beam and Coke,
Grabs a beer, and runs into what must be her bedroom,
Along the way he almost runs into a chair, some wires, the entertainment center, a bookshelf,
And the door to the bedroom.
I sit silently.
-Stephen T. Kennedy
